In preparation for bad days

Today is a good day.

Am calm, and dealing with all that is coming my way well. Smiling at people and have focus at my work. Today, being a good day, I make notes about my state of mind, about mindfulness, about how to stay upbeat and positive.

And I hope, that on my bad days, these notes are useful.

Most bad days, are easily remedied for me. Being a simple person helps, an old classic movie, a coffee date and a good book. Or just a quotation from someone I admire.

And then there are those days… where no matter how much I meditate, or smile, or watch funny movies… nothing works.

Those are the days I rage out and within, hate myself and the world. Cannot seem to cross over to calmer waters and after a point, just stop swimming and start sinking in that mire of self hate and feeling sorry for myself. Those are the days, when it seems that all the work I do put in, into being happy and appreciative of life, is for nothing and am tempted to throw my diary and all my notes into the dustbin. To catch hold of the me on a good day and say “What the hell do you know, how much I suffer?” and probably claw her eyes out for good measure.

Perhaps there are some storms and days that we cannot avoid. They come upon us with little or no warning and despite the best of preparation, they take over us and flood us and leave us gasping for breath and life. Sometimes, all you can and should do is tread water and wait out the storm.

There is no personal fault or liability in these kind of days. It is perhaps just kinder to accept them wait till they pass. These are the days, I know I drive my husband nuts, cannot rely on myself to make a decision any which way, probably going to hate every decision I do make.

So I keep it simple… perhaps avoid company, and maybe take a day off. Instead of pushing myself to endure and then possibly exploding and leaving a lot of shell shocked and hurt people in my wake.

And most importantly of all, on the very next good day, I sit and write. And leave a message for a future bad-day me. IT WILL PASS.

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