Yesterday, I was low.
Rock bottom, digging into the mud low.
And nothing, none of my techniques, not reading, not writing, cuddling my dog, reading comics, meditation, chanting.. NADA.
Yesterday, was a day I came close to the edge, a slight misstep and I would have tipped off and gone right back into depressionville.
There was no such things as a neutral thought even, it was as black and dark as could be.
And I was panicking even more, as I am an energy student and practitioner….
I did not want negative energy to come from me.
Finally I gave up and just too the last one of my depression tablets… The one that has been sitting unused for over a year now. The one that I randomly found as I turned my drawer upside down looking in panic for my old diary and all my notes on affirmations and positive thinking.
About an hour after, I was calming down, and I then with the peace that came with it, I realized I had not spent Sunday intuitively, and that is why my Monday was shot.
Sunday, I had met a friend I dearly love and care about and who is going through a hard time.
I did Reiki on him, but I forgot to put a shielding spell on myself.
So I drained out all my positive energy on healing and left myself open to a lot of negativity.
And trying to get out of feeling negative, (this was happening at a good party, No one likes a party damp sponge) I drank a bit more than I should have.
I did not listen to my intuition, which was trying to say, that I did not need to do as much reiki on him as I did. I could feel his pain so intensely I was trying to push it out with sheer will power.
I definitely did not listen to my intuition and leave the party to go balance myself out, for fear that I would let other people down and kill the mood.
I definitely told my intuition to go to hell, as I listened to the panic and concern within me instead. I had stopped seeing my friend as a complete divine being in his own right, and I saw him as broken and flawed.
I ignored the balance, and went in to “rescue the day” when it was not my fight. He needed a friend, a support, I went in as a force of war, determined to push all the negativity out of him.
And in that state I carried on pushing myself forcefully to have a good time… when all I wanted to do was go and sleep or curl up with my cat.
The evening ended with me feeling wrung out and spun out. I was totally off kilter, and even as I closed my eyes to sleep, I could feel my mind and spirit spinning out of control.
Once you start working with energy and intuition, there is a promise, a vow you need to make to yourself.
To Honor yourself, and Respect yourself First.
And this means that you have to walk to your own tune, and leave behind all programming that tells you to do so otherwise.
It is not easy, and though on most days, I am really good at listening to myself, there are days I fall flat on my face.
Don’t waste time beating yourself up.
Do what you need to, to get through the blues or the anger, or whatever is plaguing you.
Listen to the message that those emotions are bringing you.
You are feeling like that because you fell out of sync with your Eternal Spirit and Voice somewhere. See how the miscommunication happened, and correct your course.
With time and practice, you get better, you get stronger and more amazing.
And the journey is richer for your making the effort.